5 weeks

Dear Baby,

At 5 weeks old, you have become very alert. After each feeding you enjoy looking lovingly into our eyes and interacting with us. Ofcourse, not much comes of it but blowing bubbles and cooeing, but we'll take what we can get. You eat very well, and don't have any trouble on that front. You went through a stage where you were constantly fussy with gas, but you're thankfully not as fussy anymore and we are happy about that. You are generally a happy baby.

You love listening to your brothers play around you, and responds with a few smiles every now and then for mommy when I talk to you. You are already a princess though, still insisting on being rocked to sleep and, most nights, needing to be held all night. With the boys we were much more strict about getting them into a schedule and teaching them to fall asleep on their own. I don't know if it's because you're the baby, or because you're our girl but we have bent the rules a teeny bit on that one. You LIVE for your bouncy seat. And can often be found vibrating away in that thing.

You have thick black hair that is already starting to be curly. I originally thought after 2 or so weeks you would be bald, but I am pleasantly surprised at how much hair you continue to have. Not only on the back of your head, but in the front as well. You have a really pretty shaped hairline in the front and the back of your hair is already growing so much that it practically covers the hairbands we put in. I am interested to see if you keep it, or if it eventually thins out. You also have very dark eyes. The boys both had blue from the get-go, so this dark eye thing is new to us. There is a small ring of blue that remains around the outer rim of your eye, but the rest is a dark, very nearly brown color. I'm really liking this black hair brown eye thing. It's such a contrast to the other babies.
The boys LOVE you. Everytime they hear you cry they come and get me. I love as Noah peers over her crib and says, "Hiiiiii baby!". Elijah likes to tell me all about how the baby is up and "mama the baby pooped. She pooped a wawt." He also loves to hold you any chance he gets and touches your head and holds your hand. He says, "mama, baby has weewy tiny hands". Noah has taken to blowing you kisses. And kisses your head anytime you're in your bouncy seat. They have settled in nicely to the familiarity of your cries and are not bothered by them.

We love you sweet girl, and are so happy you're a part of our family!

3 weeks old

Dear Baby,

You are 3 weeks old today, and I already am starting to forget what life was ever like without you. What was the world like without those sweet lips, or that tiny bottom? I stay up most nights while quietly feeding you and I memorize every inch of that precious angel face.

I thank the Lord each night for you as I stroke that long black hair. And I wonder, where did you get that hair? I look at your eyes and watch them get darker and darker each day. I am so amazed by how dazzling those chocolate brown eyes are becoming. I pray over you while you eat and ask that He take care of you, that He watch you breathe in and out each night so that I can sleep and not worry. But mostly, I talk to the Lord about who you will become.

These are sleepless times right now, but they are sweet times. Times that I will forever remember. I will never forget how you cooed when I sang a Nichole Nordeman song to you or how precious your tiny cry is, almost a deep raspy cry. Excellent for jazz I think.

Oh my love, I adore you...even when you won't let me sleep.

Love, your mama.

A monumental day

Dear Baby,

You were born.

There are no words to describe how I feel about you, how content I am, how totally happy my life is with you in it. I thought I would be sad that this was my last baby, that I would no longer feel a baby growing inside me. Instead I feel such joy such complete happiness because I got you. I will never forget this feeling, not as long as I live.

Olivia Violet Cosette Warkentin the world is a better place with you in it.

Love,

Your mama

Saying Goodbye to the belly

Dear Baby,

I just realized that today is the very last day I will ever be pregnant again. That is a bittersweet thought. It's been quite difficult this time around, and keeping you in for so long has had it's challenges. But when I think that I will never mold my hand to the shape of my round belly again it makes me a little....sad.

But the sadness is overridden by the fact that this is also the very last day that I will ever wonder what your sweet angel face looks like, or if you'll have your daddy's eyelashes. You see Olivia, it is the very last day that I will ever NOT know what life is like without you in it.

My sweet sweet baby love, how I have loved carrying you inside me. I have cherished every movement, kick, and hiccup. I have grown so in love with you already and I've never even met you. And even though I will miss the feel of you kicking my ribcage at an appropriate time in a movie or song, as if we share our own private little joke, I know that I will love far more to smell your sweet breath and kiss your precious cheeks.

So goodbye round belly. Goodbye waddle. Goodbye cute bump beneath my shirt. I want my baby girl instead!

Love forever and ever,

Mama

A little belly painting

Dear Baby,

It's a full moon out tonight. They say babies are born during full moons because of the moon's gravitational pull. So we've been waiting, but while we were waiting we got bored. So we decided to make the big heaping mass that is my belly a little more festive looking. This is what we came up with. Hey, don't persecute us... you're taking your sweet time. What else were we supposed to do?

Love,
Mama

The big wait

Dear Baby,

There are just 4 days until you arrive on the planet. I have to say, these might just be the longest 4 days of my life. I am just crawling out of my skin in anticipation. I'm too big to do anything fun to pass the time. I get winded just walking to get the mail. There is no position that is comfortable to sleep in. And you have decided to make my tailbone your permanent residence, which I have to say makes you a big pain in the butt :)

Ofcourse, occasionally you decide to leave my tailbone and to plant yourself in my ribcage- equally as fun. Sometimes you take your little toes and wrinkle them against the side of my ribs. It feels like a kind of hurt/tickle that I can't explain. And I'm almost positive that when you come out, we will see you wrinkle your toes in that same little way and a part of me will have that phantom pain in my ribcage.

I have now officially become 39 weeks pregnant, and you hold the record my dear for the longest amount of time I have ever been pregnant. Elijah was born when I was exactly 39 weeks, you have exceeded him. And to think, we were so afraid you would come dangerously early. You continue to amaze me as your growth has also exceeded all expectations. My stomach is the biggest it's EVER been. Just yesterday I had to adjust the seat in the car so I could drive. I had driven the DAY BEFORE. It's amazing that you grew that much in a day.

I am trying to take in the last few days that I will ever be pregnant. I hold my belly every chance I get, though now it stretches the length of my arms.I am trying to remember every kick, every movement. I am cuddling you on the outside until I can cuddle you on the inside.

Just some thoughts about you my love, and our last few days together just you and me. I will always remember this pregnancy. It's been one of the most challenging roller coaster rides ever but it's also been amazing having this time to bond with you. I know how excited I am for you to come out of me, but I also know that all-too-soon you will be sitting in my lap, and I will miss the time you were growing in my womb.

Love, Mama

My pumpkin

Dear Baby,

I honestly thought we'd be able to take you to the pumpkin patch this year. I was looking forward to tiny baby pictures of you in a pumpkin patch. I guess this will have to do. We still thought of you all day as we felt you looked remarkably like a pumpkin. What fun we will have during your birthday season. It's such a fun time of year, and I am so excited to have a baby now. I've enjoyed my two summer babies. But there is just something magical about carving pumpkins, and corn maizes and falling leaves. I am so excited to give you this kind of a birthday sweet girl. I'm pretty sure, you will develop the nickname "pumpkin".

Love, Mama

The human incubator

Dear Baby,

We hit 37 weeks today! Can you believe it? I honestly never dreamed we would make it. Ofcourse I've had to cancel every appointment, limit my shopping trips, live in my pajamas and rely solely on your Grandma for help. But, we did it. I feel a bit like a human incubator now. All I can do is sit and let you bake. But, I guess that's my job so I am doing it to the best of my ability.

I am so big now, it really is a 7th wonder of the world to look at. I have blown past how big I was with both of your brothers and have entered entirely new territory. It's crazy really. Not one shirt fits, and going places I have to hold the bottom of my shirt down just to keep my bare belly from being exposed. I am really quite a sight to see.

Still wondering if you'll be a 10-10-10 baby. I know your grandma's birthday is tomorrow and she doesn't mind sharing it with you either. When will you come baby? Only the Lord knows. But it feels so wonderful to know we have gone past the danger period and are in the safezone as far as your health goes. We are so blessed this time around.

And now, we wait.........
Come out soon baby!

Love,
Mama

The Halloween Baby

Dear Baby,

Today they told me your scheduled C-section is for October 26th. I about fell over. That seems like an eternity. I know it's only 3 weeks away, but seriously 3 weeks? I am thinking about what your birthdays will be like. I'm thinking about all the fall-themed fun we can have throwing your birthday parties. You can have caramel apples and candy corn cupcakes. But I am really hoping that you come just a little bit earlier, because I don't want you to have a Halloween themed birthday every year. I guess I just feel like it takes away from your special day. I know I really don't have control over that. Truth be told, it has a lot to do with the fact that my doctor is going on vacation for 3 weeks and this is when she will get around to doing it.

It's hard to think that your birthdays for the whole rest of your life will be determined based on the fact that my doctor went to Hawaii. It kind of, perturbs me. Hopefully, if you're anything like what I think you're like, you are going to make your grand entrance on a day when nobody expects. I have this sneaking suspicion that you are going to have to be original, not just ANY day will do. It will have to be the day when YOU want to come. Truthfully, I am HOPING you'll be a diva like that.

But until then, I am enjoying the cool fall breeze and the view of leaves changing. I'm thinking about all the pumpkins we will carve and the hayrides we will be on together. Baby doll, my little "pumpkin" I am so thrilled that you are an October baby!

Love,
Mama

Nesting

Dear Baby,

It's 3 1/2 weeks until your due date. I don't know what that means exactly, but what it has meant for me is full throttle nesting mode. Really, it makes no sense because my stomach is so big (actually much bigger now than I was with either one of your brothers full term). How in the world do I find the energy? I'm not sure. But this week has been full of projects and things I have put off for approximately 9 months.

First I re-organized the boys room, then I took on mine. I've taken out the bassinet and cleaned that thoroughly. Every room in this house has been cleaned, organized and re-cleaned. Just last night I found myself on my hands and knees scrubbing the bathroom floor furiously. I just keep thinking "well I'm not going to have time for this when the baby gets here". How do I find the energy? How do I find the strength? I really couldn't tell you. I think it's just because I have nothing better to do than twiddle my thumbs and anticipate your arrival.

One thing is for sure. You will be coming home to a very clean house. Let's just hope it's sooner rather than later.

Love,
Mama

The 36 week push.

Dear Baby,

Today is September 30th and we have officially made it to 36 weeks. I cannot believe that we did it, but we did. Grandma came to rescue me and help wrangle your brothers while I'm so big. And big I am. I feel like you are going to be here so soon and I wanted to make sure to take some last pictures before you came.

Your name is on the wall now, your clothes are in the drawers. The last minute touches have been made, and now we sit and twiddle our thumbs while we wait for you. We are having so much fun making guesses as to when it will be. Will it be 10-01-10? What about 10-10-10? Who knows. What I do know is how totally excited I am to see your precious little face. To smell that sweet milk breath, to feel that soft hair on your head. I am constantly feeling my belly, holding it for the last times and knowing that I will never feel this belly like this again. It's a bittersweet feeling, but a good one. Because the prize is..... YOU.

Olivia Violet Cosette, I cannot wait for you to come.

Love, Mama

You are Loved

Dear Baby,

We celebrated your life on Friday night with an awesome baby shower. Some of my closest friends came to shower you with gifts. We had some awesome food, and played some fun games. And you got an excessive amount of pink things :)

Mostly, I just felt really loved. There were so many sweet faces there that have been a part of my life (and will soon be a part of yours). It was so nice to feel that support and connection. Ofcourse it's always nice to be pampered and feel special. Mostly I think everyone was just so excited for me that I FINALLY got my girl. I have been waiting so long. Baby, you really are loved. Not just by me.


Love, Mama

A blubbery mess

Dear Baby,

It's 10pm, and I have cried from sun up to sun down today. Everytime I cry it's for a different reason, but I'm pretty sure the biggest reason is because I'm pregnant with a baby girl. I can recall being pretty irrational with the boys and their pregnancies, but this seems off the chart. I think you must be a VERY VERY girlie little girl because there is all kinds of estrogen in my body.

I don't know what it is, but it seems like everything sets me off. It can be a real life thing I've been thinking about, or seeing something on television that does it. Your brothers are pretty concerned. Elijah in particular keeps asking me "Why you so sad mama?" I wish I could tell him why, but I really just don't know.

I have never been one to cry in front of people. In fact, it's pretty rare that I will cry in front of anyone. But baby, I have been learning something from you. I have been learning to be more vulnerable and instead of covering it up or trying to hide it, I have decided to embrace it. You know why? Because it's OKAY to cry when you're sad, or even if you just feel like it. It's pretty normal actually. Thank you for teaching me that baby.

Now I'm gonna take my puffy eyes and get in bed :)

Love,
Mama

Hitting the mark

Dear Baby,

It's been quite a week. We had a bit of an early labor scare with you on Sunday and had to stay in the hospital for a little while to get the clear. My belly is already so big, and here I sit at only 32 weeks pregnant. I can't bend over, or hardly walk. I can't breathe, or really do much of anything. I have officially hit the miserable stage of life. Though everyday my back hurts I wish I could just be rid of the pain and exhaustion, I fight for everyday to keep you in and growing and healthy.

My doctor scheduled a C-section for me on October 21st, but we both agreed that we doubted we would ever see that day. She thinks, as I do, that we will be lucky if I make it to 36 weeks. Now baby, at 36 weeks it till be September 29th. That is your Aunt Kate's birthday. Try not to come on that day so you don't have to share a birthday cake with her- trust me it's no fun.

But what is scary is that 36 weeks is actually close enough to be on my calendar. It is a dizzying reality that you could actually be in my arms, cooing, crying, snuggling with me in just a few short weeks. Maybe even less, who even knows. But I am aiming for that 36 week mark so that your lungs can fully develop and you can get some meat on your bones. It's on my calendar baby, I am GOING to make it !

Lovingly your Mama

Nursery update

Dear Baby,

I am slow in posting pictures of your nursery, but I wanted you to know that I have NOT been slow in getting it ready. I have absolutely thrown myself into the land of pink this month. Doing projects, and putting friends and family to work. Everyone has been in on it, it seems. Your nursery is definitely the product of many sets of hands. I thought I'd give you a sneak peak at what we've been up to:So first off are your curtains. I picked out the fabric and got your lovely Aunt Lauren to sew them. They turned out so nice!Next was the bumper. I ended up picking out some pink and green striped fabric to accent it, and once again your Aunt Lauren really worked her magic on it. I think it goes so well with the stripes and the big pink wall.Ofcourse your daddy got in on things as well. He decided that you needed a shelf to put all your hair things on, so he went to the hardware store and got you one. He felt really good about putting some work into your room. I think all the pink intimidates him though..Just this weekend your grandparents came up and offered to help us put the chandelier up. I bought this chandelier sometime ago. Mostly because I always wanted one when I was a little girl. But it turns out that it was much more complicated to put up then I thought, so we needed some expert advice. They lovingly put it up for you baby. Then I made the backboard for your wall. I was originally going to make it a pushpin board, but opted to use the remainder of the fabric to be a backboard for your hairstation. It turned out pretty well I think.And here are the baskets I made for your station. I really think it turned out nicely.

Well that's it for now my love. It's not completely finished yet, and we still have clothes to put in your drawers, but I think we've made quite a dent in it!

Love, Mama

Everything Hurts

Dear Baby,

I'm not trying to complain, but as I hit the 31 week mark today I am really feeling crummy. Every muscle in my stomach is stretched to the limit- the stretchmarks have once again appeared just to emphasize that. My back is killing me, and I cannot ever seem to get comfortable. To top it all off, it's been 108 degrees outside all week. Mostly, I just want to be naked all day and I truly wish that were possible.

The thing that makes all these aches and pains tolerable is the thought of you coming into the world. I cannot possibly imagine what you will look like, which keeps me in suspense. I wonder if you will have blue eyes like your brothers, or if you will have brown eyes like your daddy. Will you have those big eyelashes the Warkentin children are famous for? Will you have my nose? These things are still a mystery to me and I cannot wait to find out who you are. I just have to get past all the aches and pains until then :)

I love you baby.
Love, Mama

Prepare Ye The Way

Dear Baby,

Your baby countdown says there are 66 days left until you come. But somehow, I feel like that is going to fly by. I can remember the countdown to my wedding, and after it went under 100 days, everything seemed to come at me at once.

So today, I ignored the piles of laundry in my house. I stepped over all the little cracker crumbs your brother's scattered on the floor. And I spent some time getting ready for you. I cleaned out Noah's drawers, and took all the boxes of baby clothes out of the garage. I sorted through them and found a bunch of things to give away to people- you can't wear blue clothes!

I made a few more bows and flowers for your hair, and I organized your room some more. Then a package came in the mail today- it was your pink fleece carseat cover which I have been waiting for. So I took out your carseat and had Elijah help me clean it out. He scrubbed it, and talked all about you and when you're coming. He kept saying "Mama, O-wee-a's seat!". We finally put your carseat cover on your seat and put it in the van. That's one less thing your daddy has to panic about when we're in the hospital.

Elijah is excited about you. He keeps pointing to my belly and telling me all about you. He loves to sing to you and talk to you. I think you're going to love Elijah. Noah doesn't really understand that you're coming, but he got excited when we got the carseat all ready. He'll learn soon enough.

I just wanted you to know that we're getting ready for you. That we're planning for you, and that we're so excited to meet you Olivia!

Love, Mama

And....mood swing

Dear Baby,

It's almost midnight and I can't sleep. I have been a hormonal mess all weekend, and I can't sleep because I am so sad, and angry, and deliriously happy all at the same time. I don't think I have ever felt this way in my life. It is the most confusing thing, and to even write to you about it now, I hardly can find the words to say about it. I am constantly crying, and overwhelmed and tired. But at the same time I'm energized, and ready to take on 48 projects, and making all kinds of plans. It is the most strange, bizarre, and upside down kind of way of living. I feel like an insane person. And yet, I am told, it's pretty normal.

It doesn't feel normal baby. Though I feel certifiably nuts right now, it is of some comfort to me that it's probably because there are high amounts of estrogen, extra estrogen, flowing through me. And that makes me smile. Because it means that pretty soon a little girl will be in my arms. A little girl I have waited for so long to have. Oh the thought of pink sends me right back to my happy place.

Baby, I love you but you make me crazy :)

A letter to doctors who don't know anything....

Dear Mr. Braxton and Mr. Hicks,

I would like to address this letter especially to you today, as you seem to be popping up in my life regularily. I am not sure exactly what made you think that as men, men who have not given birth nor have ever experienced the pain of labor, you could categorize early contractions.

The term "slight discomfort" or "a tightening of your uterus" is grossly understated and I feel it is my duty to set you two straight. When your body hurts so bad you have to bite on something to keep from screaming and waking your children, that is more than slight discomfort. When you cannot move, breathe, or even think of anything but horrific pain, that's a little more than a tightening of your uterus.

Ofcourse, silly me, maybe I'm just overexaggerating things. Afterall, I've only had 3 babies! Grrr.... Braxton. Grrr.... Hicks, I hope that there is a swarm of angry, and very pregnant mothers who have come to beat you to death.

Sincerely,

Erin Kaye Warkentin

28 weeks... and growing

Dear Baby,

I'm 28 weeks pregnant with you. I have now officially entered my third trimester, and the most uncomfortable period of pregnancy. I have aches and pains all day from your growing body. My back is almost in a permanent state of ouch. My stomach is being stretched like bubble gum, and feels like I've done about 300 sit ups. I am sore, I am tired, and I am really really hot, since it's about 100 plus degrees here most days.

Your brothers and I have been living in the air conditioned house that your daddy has so graciously given me. Most days I lay pantless underneath the air vent. Your poor brothers are going stir crazy and I feel terrible about that. But I keep telling myself that keeping you healthy and inside my body is just more important right now. We manage.

Most days I don't notice how enormous I have become, until I go to church. This last week I got 3 seperate comments about how big I was, and that I must be due anyday. Your nana keeps telling me I must be having twins. It really does wonders to one's self-esteem. But secretly, it just makes me nervous that you're going to come sooner than planned.

So I'm springing to action, coming up with back-up plans, sorting through your clothes, finishing up things on your nursery, and giving your daddy extra projects. I want to be sure that we're ready for you, even if you surprise us and come early.

Until then, I am here, with my ever-growing belly just trying to enjoy the very last time I will ever be pregnant, the very last time my body will ever look like this again. Which kind of makes it a little bittersweet. And then my back spasms and I remember that it's not quite so wonderful, but certainly worth it.

I love you sweet baby.... even when you break me.

Love, Mama

Checkup number.... oh I've lost count

Dear Baby,

Today I went to another doctor appointment. I have to get my glucose test pretty soon. I don't know why everyone I talk to always complains about the drink you have to drink, I hate the needle and drawing blood part.

Today I heard your heart again, felt you move, and then they measured me. To my doctor's astonishment my tummy is measuring 2 weeks early. This is the same thing that happened to me when I was pregnant with Noah. At my 36 week checkup with him, I measured 40 weeks. The doctor said "oh you're going to have a big baby." I didn't, instead I went into labor the next day.

I am 26 weeks pregnant now, and I am measuring at 28 weeks. If that is correct, than your due date is not going to be October 28th. I'm thinking, at least the 14th or 15th by what I am measuring now. I can't wait to see what I'm measuring in 3 weeks. I am curious what that will tell us about when you'll decide to show up. It's kinda fun having a built in system that gives me a heads-up early to be prepared and pack my hospital bag.

But for now, I am still busy getting your room ready, and planning your baby shower, and preparing for my baby girl.

Love,
Mama

Journey to your nursery

Dear Baby,

We spent all day today painting your room today. Even though we don't have curtains up, or sheets on your bed. Even though there is boy stuff ALL OVER your room. It still feels like YOUR room. You wanna know why? Oh..... because it's PINK!

We had ever so much fun today painting the nursery. Carefully taping the walls, picking the right paint, meticulously getting every edge and nook. There is something about putting pink on a wall that makes me smile from head to toe. It's just a color I never thought I'd get to see on a wall in my house, and now here I am staring pink in the face. I am excited about how everything is coming together. Here is a sneak peek:

It makes me hungry for watermelon!!

Pretty in Pink

Dear Baby,

This weekend your Special Aunt Lauren and I are going to be painting your room. Doing your room has been a challenge for me because I have had so many years to dream up what I want to do with it. I have sat and researched the internet until my eyeballs have popped out of my head, looking for ideas I loved, and baby bedding that I liked. Ofcourse, I couldn't just go with a REGULAR bedding set like any normal mommy would. No, you had to have original bedding. So I eventually decided on doing your room in a damask print.

It's a little more sophisticated, and a little less tiny baby so that as you grow a little older, your room can also grow with you. After searching fabrics FOREVER, I finally decided on a Michael Miller fabric in candy pink. We're going to make curtains, a bumper, and a bedskirt out of this fabric. I am going to use the green stripe that is already painted in your brother's room and add pink to it. Then I plan on painting one accent wall pink. Here are some paint samples I am thinking about and the fabric for your room.

I've got this total picture of what I want it to look like in my head. A princess room, but not overly fairytale just more like a room fit for a princess. I think I mostly want it to look really really girlie, because I haven't gotten to experience that yet. I am having so much fun coming up with creative ideas. You and I are going to be spending a lot of time in that room, a lot of sleepless nights quietly rocking away in that room. And I want it to be a place we can both enjoy!
I'll be sure to keep you updated on the progress little one.

Love,
Mama

Being HUGE

Dear Baby, you're BIG!

Okay, so you're really not that big, but you FEEL enormous. I actually put a bathingsuit on the other day (don't worry baby, I'll spare you the pictures) and your grandma said "wow, you're HUGE!" I think she had good intentions while saying that, but it didn't feel good hearing it.

I am 6 months pregnant today. That means, I still have 3 more months. At this point, I cannot imagine how giant I am going to look by the end, but I am guessing that I will look like I swallowed the world's largest pumpkin. On top of that, I FEEL big. I can now see you poking out of me when you kick, my belly button is dangerously close to being non-existent and I am sore all the time. I remember what being big looked like, but I forgot entirely how it felt. And now that it is 102 degrees outside and showing no signs of getting cooler for at least 2 more months, I am getting crabby too!

I remember when I told people what my due date was, they would often make the comment "Oh... that means you have to go through summer months really big." I didn't think much of it at the time because I was big and pregnant with Elijah all the way until August. But I wasn't thinking about the fact that all of August and September it was going to be scorching hot too. It's getting kinda hard to breathe.

Yet, even though 3 months seems like FOREVER to be big and pregnant, I am also thinking how quickly 3 months is going to fly by and how much work I have to do on your nursery. I have a few more girl clothes this month, we're getting there. This whole girl thing is new to me, and it's taking some time.

Please don't squish me baby.
Love, Mama

A pickle person

Dear Baby,

We've made it to 22 weeks now, a little past halfway. You're starting to take up most of the room and I'm starting to feel a little cramped :)

I wouldn't say that I have had any really strange cravings until last night. I pulled out a jar of pickles and a tray of chocolate cookies. I'd eat a slice of pickle, and then a bite of cookie. It sounds gross I know. But baby, I was in heaven.

There are a million things you HATE for me to eat. Like tacos, milk, yogurt (pretty much anything dairy related really). You don't like when I eat salad, or most kinds of chips or really anything greasy. It's getting hard to find things that you DO like to eat. So I'm sticking with my pickles and chocolate cookies okay?

Love,
Mama

Just the 3 of us

Dear Baby:

I am 21 weeks pregnant, and this is what you look like inside me. It has been a crazy few weeks as we have been focusing on your brothers. So this last weekend your daddy and me got to have a weekend getaway, and just enjoy you. We sat by the ocean, which baby you are going to love one day, and spent time together being quiet.

But the highlight of the weekend for me was the night that we laid in bed and listened to the sound of the waves crashing on the beach. You responded by moving around all over the place. And your daddy got to feel you moving around. He smiled and would say "ooooh she's hyper". It was a really special moment we got to share, just focusing on you and your little life growing inside me.

Your daddy keeps wondering what life will be like with a little girl. I secretly think he's really excited about. He keeps thinking about your prom, and your wedding. He asks me about what girls like to do. He speculates that you will be a talker and will have to be tough with 2 older brothers.

It's so fun to think about what life will be like when you come. We are excited baby.

We love you baby,

Love mama

Peekaboo- I see you!

Dear Baby:

Today we saw you in action. We saw your tiny feet kick around. We saw your arms stretch. We saw you move your lips, and flip around. We saw your heart beat, and heard it whirring around in my belly. We got to know you, this little life we've prayed over, thought about, planned for, and loved.

We got you on videotape, and we finally got your first pictures. What a moment, what a day. Today is the day that we found out that you are, in fact, a little girl!

My dear sweet little baby, I cannot tell you how long I have drempt of this day. I can now tell you that ever since you were teeny tiny I have had the idea that you were a girl. It is a thing that I have had with all my babies, knowing what they were from the time they were too itty bitty to even tell. Both of your brothers, I knew they were boys. And you my love, I knew would be a girl. But being able to finally see it on the screen, was amazing.

I ran to the store and bought pink bows for your hair, and pink bibs for you to wear. I am afraid my dear, that in a house full of boys, you are going to be ever-so-covered in pink from head to toe and there is really nothing you can do about it. I have drempt of my girl, prayed for my girl, hoped for my girl, and cried for my girl for a very long time. I thought about all the birthday parties, and girl movies, and sleepovers, and makeovers, and your prom, and your wedding. I cannot tell you how delighted I am to add you to our family, to make it complete.

We got to see every part of you today my sweet sweet baby. And I feel like I got to know you a little bit more, other than just the foods you like and don't like. I am so blessed to have this day, I will really never ever forget it.

Love,

Mama

The Sun will come out, Tomorrow

Dear Baby,

Tomorrow is the day we find out if you are a boy or a girl. It's also the day we look at your little squirmy body for the first time. I am so excited to see you, to get to know you, to watch you. We are also eager with anticipation over what you will be. We all have our guesses, but we're mostly just excited to see you swimming around in me.

Can't wait to see you baby.

See you tomorrow!

Love, Mama

A sonogram dream

Dear Baby,

Being pregnant with you makes me have very strange dreams. Last night was no exception. I drempt that while pregnant with you, a woman having twins wanted us to adopt them. We were skeptical about the adoption but wanted more information.

So we all went into the sonogram room and were waiting to see if our babies were boys or girls. She went first, and learned she was having twin girls. Then we went in and found out we were having a boy. We realized that we loved you so much that we didn't want those other babies, we just wanted you.

I just wanted you to know, that no matter what we find out you are, I wouldn't trade you for all the girls people could throw at me....not even in my dreams.

Love,
Mama

The Black Plague

Dear Baby,

I love you.

Do you know how I know ? Because you have made me throw up 11 times today (yes I counted) and I still love you. You will not let me keep any kind of food down. There is nothing all day or all night that you will accept and be at peace with eating, but still I love you.

One day when you're a teenager you might just be mad at me and question my love for you. When you do, I would like to direct you to this blog so you can see beyond a doubt that though you plague my body and though I am absolutely miserable it's because.... I love you.

Love, Mama

My little Beckham

Dear Baby,

I am almost 13 weeks pregnant with you and am so happy I am leaving the danger zone of pregnancy. Though you are just a tiny little thing, you have been making your presence known more and more. I started feeling your tiny kicks last week. At first, I thought I was being ridiculous, I mean how could I feel you kick when you are so small? But as the week has progressed, you are such a mover and shaker that I know for SURE that it's you kicking me in there. You've also been kicking my bladder a lot, I cannot believe how fast I am noticing this time.

You are full of energy but I can't help but smile everytime I feel your tiny nudge. Baby it is a feeling like no other feeling on earth. To feel that tiny kick inside your body, is really indescribably happy. Even when I'm NOT pregnant, I often feel phantom kicks and it almost makes me sad. So this time, I am going to treasure every kick, every movement. It is such a wonderful feeling and a way to get to know you better, even though I can't snuggle with you.

I love you so much baby.
Love,
Mama

The big scare

Dear Baby,

This week you gave us quite a scare. It's been a challenging couple of weeks just trying to wrap our brains around having 3 kids. It's a big commitment, a scary commitment. One we weren't sure we were ready for.

But on Sunday, when I woke up with horrible cramping and blood, all of our doubt left. All I could think of was you baby. How I hadn't even gotten a chance to feel your tiny kicks, or get to know you in my womb. How I would never know if you were a boy or a girl, or get to know your great personality and laugh at all your funny antics.

At that moment, your daddy looked at me with such fear. He was absolutely terrified, and I knew right then and there that we had been ready for you all along, we were just nervous.

We missed Easter Sunday service, and worried all day. We sat in the ER for 7 hours on Good Monday as we waited to hear if you were safe. It was truly a terrifying few days for us. When I finally got in, they put a monitor on my tummy and I watched as your heart not only was beating, but it was racing. I watched for small movement, and instead saw you swimming all over the place doing backflips inside me.

Baby we don't yet know you very well. We haven't had very much of a chance to get acquainted. But we love you very very much. We cherish every little heart flutter, and tiny kick we see on the monitor. You are absolutely loved baby, and really really wanted.

Thank you for being strong and a fighter (you're my baby ofcourse you're a fighter!) And thank you for hanging on so that we can meet you.

Love,
Mama

Cravings

Dear Baby,

I want blueberry muffins. Really badly. Also, I could go for a nice cherry cheesecake. Last week it was steak and potatoes (which your daddy thoughtfully gave me).
Cravings are so weird.
I have never in my life absolutely needed, and HAD to have something so badly as I do when I am pregnant. The thought pops into my head and it just won't stop until it is quenched.

With your big brother Elijah, it was bacon. Ham, bacon, anything in the pork family. And I ABSOLUTELY HATE pork normally. With your big brother Noah it was mostly chocolate, though there was a strange night when pickles and pancakes tasted ever so good together.

You, you're different. With you, it's rich red meats and decadent desserts. You are such a tiny little thing inside my body how in the world can you be taking over so much?

I don't know, but cheesecake is sounding really good right now, I think I'll ask your grandma to make me one when she comes up next week. Grr... next week. I have to wait that long?

A Healthy Heart

Dear Baby,

Well, it's official.... you're real. If the cramping and lower back pain didn't tell me, or the frequent nausea or the constant dizzy spells, the picture I hold in my hands today does.

I got my first sonogram today, I saw the very first picture of you. I was relieved to hear that you were healthy, and that you weren't twins! I also saw the fluttering of your tiny heartbeat. It was a great feeling being able to see your little life inside me.

I have prayed furiously for protection around my womb and for your health and safety as I have really been feeling quite awful the last few weeks. It has worried me. But it was so nice to see that you were safe and thriving, swimming away in my belly.

Here's your first picture baby, and you are gorgeous!

I love you baby.

Love,

Mama

Growing Pains

If this blog had sound, it would be to the tune of the Growing Pains theme song "Show me that smile again...." But baby, this is way way before your time and it is dating me so I will continue.

Dear Baby,

I am nearly 7 weeks pregnant with you today, and it is amazing to me that only a year ago I was pregnant with your brother. And even within that year, I forgot what this feels like.

I forgot the extreme pain my body goes through, stretching, growing, and moving to make room for you. I forgot how unbelievably exhausting this stage is. I sleep like the dead. I forgot how dizziness can hit you so hard you nearly fall over. I just plain forgot.

And do you know why I forgot baby? Because all that pain is worth it. You're worth it baby.

I love you.
Mama

Shock and Awe

Dear Baby,

We found out about you just 3 days ago, and we can hardly believe it. The day I told your daddy he laughed and thought I was kidding. I had to show him the test to prove I wasn't. We hardly know what to say right now, I don't think the shock has warn off yet.

We told your brothers, who seemed excited But Eli's only 2 and Noah is 9 months old, so I think they were just excited to be getting attention. We know that God has a plan for your life, as small and as fragile as it is. We are still trying to fathom the fact that in a few very short months, we will have 3 children. Wow.

I love you baby.
Love,
Mama