Tuesday, September 28, 2010

The 36 week push.

Dear Baby,

Today is September 30th and we have officially made it to 36 weeks. I cannot believe that we did it, but we did. Grandma came to rescue me and help wrangle your brothers while I'm so big. And big I am. I feel like you are going to be here so soon and I wanted to make sure to take some last pictures before you came.

Your name is on the wall now, your clothes are in the drawers. The last minute touches have been made, and now we sit and twiddle our thumbs while we wait for you. We are having so much fun making guesses as to when it will be. Will it be 10-01-10? What about 10-10-10? Who knows. What I do know is how totally excited I am to see your precious little face. To smell that sweet milk breath, to feel that soft hair on your head. I am constantly feeling my belly, holding it for the last times and knowing that I will never feel this belly like this again. It's a bittersweet feeling, but a good one. Because the prize is..... YOU.

Olivia Violet Cosette, I cannot wait for you to come.

Love, Mama

Friday, September 17, 2010

You are Loved

Dear Baby,

We celebrated your life on Friday night with an awesome baby shower. Some of my closest friends came to shower you with gifts. We had some awesome food, and played some fun games. And you got an excessive amount of pink things :)

Mostly, I just felt really loved. There were so many sweet faces there that have been a part of my life (and will soon be a part of yours). It was so nice to feel that support and connection. Ofcourse it's always nice to be pampered and feel special. Mostly I think everyone was just so excited for me that I FINALLY got my girl. I have been waiting so long. Baby, you really are loved. Not just by me.

Love, Mama

Monday, September 13, 2010

A blubbery mess

Dear Baby,

It's 10pm, and I have cried from sun up to sun down today. Everytime I cry it's for a different reason, but I'm pretty sure the biggest reason is because I'm pregnant with a baby girl. I can recall being pretty irrational with the boys and their pregnancies, but this seems off the chart. I think you must be a VERY VERY girlie little girl because there is all kinds of estrogen in my body.

I don't know what it is, but it seems like everything sets me off. It can be a real life thing I've been thinking about, or seeing something on television that does it. Your brothers are pretty concerned. Elijah in particular keeps asking me "Why you so sad mama?" I wish I could tell him why, but I really just don't know.

I have never been one to cry in front of people. In fact, it's pretty rare that I will cry in front of anyone. But baby, I have been learning something from you. I have been learning to be more vulnerable and instead of covering it up or trying to hide it, I have decided to embrace it. You know why? Because it's OKAY to cry when you're sad, or even if you just feel like it. It's pretty normal actually. Thank you for teaching me that baby.

Now I'm gonna take my puffy eyes and get in bed :)


Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Hitting the mark

Dear Baby,

It's been quite a week. We had a bit of an early labor scare with you on Sunday and had to stay in the hospital for a little while to get the clear. My belly is already so big, and here I sit at only 32 weeks pregnant. I can't bend over, or hardly walk. I can't breathe, or really do much of anything. I have officially hit the miserable stage of life. Though everyday my back hurts I wish I could just be rid of the pain and exhaustion, I fight for everyday to keep you in and growing and healthy.
My doctor scheduled a C-section for me on October 21st, but we both agreed that we doubted we would ever see that day. She thinks, as I do, that we will be lucky if I make it to 36 weeks. Now baby, at 36 weeks it till be September 29th. That is your Aunt Kate's birthday. Try not to come on that day so you don't have to share a birthday cake with her- trust me it's no fun.
But what is scary is that 36 weeks is actually close enough to be on my calendar. It is a dizzying reality that you could actually be in my arms, cooing, crying, snuggling with me in just a few short weeks. Maybe even less, who even knows. But I am aiming for that 36 week mark so that your lungs can fully develop and you can get some meat on your bones. It's on my calendar baby, I am GOING to make it !
Lovingly your Mama