The human incubator

Dear Baby,

We hit 37 weeks today! Can you believe it? I honestly never dreamed we would make it. Ofcourse I've had to cancel every appointment, limit my shopping trips, live in my pajamas and rely solely on your Grandma for help. But, we did it. I feel a bit like a human incubator now. All I can do is sit and let you bake. But, I guess that's my job so I am doing it to the best of my ability.

I am so big now, it really is a 7th wonder of the world to look at. I have blown past how big I was with both of your brothers and have entered entirely new territory. It's crazy really. Not one shirt fits, and going places I have to hold the bottom of my shirt down just to keep my bare belly from being exposed. I am really quite a sight to see.

Still wondering if you'll be a 10-10-10 baby. I know your grandma's birthday is tomorrow and she doesn't mind sharing it with you either. When will you come baby? Only the Lord knows. But it feels so wonderful to know we have gone past the danger period and are in the safezone as far as your health goes. We are so blessed this time around.

And now, we wait.........
Come out soon baby!

Love,
Mama

The Halloween Baby

Dear Baby,

Today they told me your scheduled C-section is for October 26th. I about fell over. That seems like an eternity. I know it's only 3 weeks away, but seriously 3 weeks? I am thinking about what your birthdays will be like. I'm thinking about all the fall-themed fun we can have throwing your birthday parties. You can have caramel apples and candy corn cupcakes. But I am really hoping that you come just a little bit earlier, because I don't want you to have a Halloween themed birthday every year. I guess I just feel like it takes away from your special day. I know I really don't have control over that. Truth be told, it has a lot to do with the fact that my doctor is going on vacation for 3 weeks and this is when she will get around to doing it.

It's hard to think that your birthdays for the whole rest of your life will be determined based on the fact that my doctor went to Hawaii. It kind of, perturbs me. Hopefully, if you're anything like what I think you're like, you are going to make your grand entrance on a day when nobody expects. I have this sneaking suspicion that you are going to have to be original, not just ANY day will do. It will have to be the day when YOU want to come. Truthfully, I am HOPING you'll be a diva like that.

But until then, I am enjoying the cool fall breeze and the view of leaves changing. I'm thinking about all the pumpkins we will carve and the hayrides we will be on together. Baby doll, my little "pumpkin" I am so thrilled that you are an October baby!

Love,
Mama

Nesting

Dear Baby,

It's 3 1/2 weeks until your due date. I don't know what that means exactly, but what it has meant for me is full throttle nesting mode. Really, it makes no sense because my stomach is so big (actually much bigger now than I was with either one of your brothers full term). How in the world do I find the energy? I'm not sure. But this week has been full of projects and things I have put off for approximately 9 months.

First I re-organized the boys room, then I took on mine. I've taken out the bassinet and cleaned that thoroughly. Every room in this house has been cleaned, organized and re-cleaned. Just last night I found myself on my hands and knees scrubbing the bathroom floor furiously. I just keep thinking "well I'm not going to have time for this when the baby gets here". How do I find the energy? How do I find the strength? I really couldn't tell you. I think it's just because I have nothing better to do than twiddle my thumbs and anticipate your arrival.

One thing is for sure. You will be coming home to a very clean house. Let's just hope it's sooner rather than later.

Love,
Mama

The 36 week push.

Dear Baby,

Today is September 30th and we have officially made it to 36 weeks. I cannot believe that we did it, but we did. Grandma came to rescue me and help wrangle your brothers while I'm so big. And big I am. I feel like you are going to be here so soon and I wanted to make sure to take some last pictures before you came.

Your name is on the wall now, your clothes are in the drawers. The last minute touches have been made, and now we sit and twiddle our thumbs while we wait for you. We are having so much fun making guesses as to when it will be. Will it be 10-01-10? What about 10-10-10? Who knows. What I do know is how totally excited I am to see your precious little face. To smell that sweet milk breath, to feel that soft hair on your head. I am constantly feeling my belly, holding it for the last times and knowing that I will never feel this belly like this again. It's a bittersweet feeling, but a good one. Because the prize is..... YOU.

Olivia Violet Cosette, I cannot wait for you to come.

Love, Mama

You are Loved

Dear Baby,

We celebrated your life on Friday night with an awesome baby shower. Some of my closest friends came to shower you with gifts. We had some awesome food, and played some fun games. And you got an excessive amount of pink things :)

Mostly, I just felt really loved. There were so many sweet faces there that have been a part of my life (and will soon be a part of yours). It was so nice to feel that support and connection. Ofcourse it's always nice to be pampered and feel special. Mostly I think everyone was just so excited for me that I FINALLY got my girl. I have been waiting so long. Baby, you really are loved. Not just by me.


Love, Mama

A blubbery mess

Dear Baby,

It's 10pm, and I have cried from sun up to sun down today. Everytime I cry it's for a different reason, but I'm pretty sure the biggest reason is because I'm pregnant with a baby girl. I can recall being pretty irrational with the boys and their pregnancies, but this seems off the chart. I think you must be a VERY VERY girlie little girl because there is all kinds of estrogen in my body.

I don't know what it is, but it seems like everything sets me off. It can be a real life thing I've been thinking about, or seeing something on television that does it. Your brothers are pretty concerned. Elijah in particular keeps asking me "Why you so sad mama?" I wish I could tell him why, but I really just don't know.

I have never been one to cry in front of people. In fact, it's pretty rare that I will cry in front of anyone. But baby, I have been learning something from you. I have been learning to be more vulnerable and instead of covering it up or trying to hide it, I have decided to embrace it. You know why? Because it's OKAY to cry when you're sad, or even if you just feel like it. It's pretty normal actually. Thank you for teaching me that baby.

Now I'm gonna take my puffy eyes and get in bed :)

Love,
Mama

Hitting the mark

Dear Baby,

It's been quite a week. We had a bit of an early labor scare with you on Sunday and had to stay in the hospital for a little while to get the clear. My belly is already so big, and here I sit at only 32 weeks pregnant. I can't bend over, or hardly walk. I can't breathe, or really do much of anything. I have officially hit the miserable stage of life. Though everyday my back hurts I wish I could just be rid of the pain and exhaustion, I fight for everyday to keep you in and growing and healthy.

My doctor scheduled a C-section for me on October 21st, but we both agreed that we doubted we would ever see that day. She thinks, as I do, that we will be lucky if I make it to 36 weeks. Now baby, at 36 weeks it till be September 29th. That is your Aunt Kate's birthday. Try not to come on that day so you don't have to share a birthday cake with her- trust me it's no fun.

But what is scary is that 36 weeks is actually close enough to be on my calendar. It is a dizzying reality that you could actually be in my arms, cooing, crying, snuggling with me in just a few short weeks. Maybe even less, who even knows. But I am aiming for that 36 week mark so that your lungs can fully develop and you can get some meat on your bones. It's on my calendar baby, I am GOING to make it !

Lovingly your Mama